My Grandmother

My grandmother, Mdm Pang Ah Jee, was born in Malaysia. She's 76 years old this year. She is the second oldest in her family, having an elder sister, and a younger sister, and a 3 younger brothers. She had quite a good life as compared to her other brothers and sisters, and she had a good life despite all the hardship she went through. I know little about her despite the fact that I’m so close to her.

Her familiar smile, the gesture she always make when we ask her something she didn't want to answer, the sound her jade bangle makes whenever it hits the dining table as she rests her hands on, the way she walks, the look in her eyes that always give you the comforting feeling. So many things which I remember about her, so much good memories of her.

I remember there was this time that my family and my grandma went to the zoo. We went there by bus, and that's something that I rarely see my grandma doing. When we were there, we walked through the entire zoo, and I remembered that my grandma was totally exhausted at the end of the day.

She always loved mahjong, she could play all night if given the chance to. Even after she got stroke, she would still love to watch my aunt's play. She was also a bowling champ when she was much younger. There was this time when we went to play bowling when the adults went to play jackpot, my aunt mentioned that my grandma was a bowling champ before.

There was also this time that we went on cruise to Penang on Star Cruise, and also this other time we went to Sunway Lagoon on Star Cruise. I remember we really enjoyed ourselves there, being kids. I was sharing the room with my grandma.

I remember the morning she had difficulty breathing. It was the 31st of August 2008. I remember waking up and preparing to go to church, and when I was in the toilet. Then
The phone rang for a while but no one seems to pick it up, as we usually do not have calls in the morning. I had a feeling that it wasn't good. The next thing I knew, my sister was screaming, 'why is there an ambulance downstairs?' I felt my heart miss a beat. Then I remembered that I prayed to God and asked Him to not let anything bad happen. And for the longest time when I was in the toilet, there was silence outside the door. No sound of clothes being washed, no sound of my sisters walking about.

My dad and sisters were all upstairs at my grandma's place. When I came out of the toilet, I saw that the ambulance had already left. Two possibilities came into my mind, either my grandma already passed away, or it wasn't serious and didn't require the ambulance services. Thank God it was the latter.

I rushed upstairs to see that my grandma was in her bedroom, the maid was helping her to get onto the wheelchair. My aunt Sandy and Aunt Frances' eyes were red and tear-filled. My youngest sister was still in her PJs and was in my grandma's room.

From was in what I gathered, my grandma had difficulty breathing in the morning, and it was bad enough that my uncle called the ambulance. But when the ambulance attendants came, she stared at them as though she had seen a ghost. My grandma didn't really like hospitals and ambulances. And they wanted to send her to Tan Tock Seng Hospital, which was the nearest hospital. My family wanted to bring her to Singapore General Hospital (SGH) as her medical records are there. And since my grandma had calmed down much and was able to breathe better, the ambulance wasn't needed. My uncle will send my grandma down to SGH later.

So my grandma got into the wheelchair, and came out to the dining table to have breakfast. Though she was still panting, she seemed alright and well. I made my way to church, carrying on with whatever I had planned originally. And when I came home from church, my mum told me that my grandma is at SGH block 7, level 7, ward 77, room 10, bed 3. So I decided to go down to see her the next day since it was after visiting hours and we wanted my grandma to rest.

Then on Monday, after I had an hour of lesson at school, I got an sms from my sister telling me that my grandma cannot make it already, everyone's rushing down to the hospital. When I read the sms, I was in shock. I remember my hands were trembling when I packed my bag and headed down to SGH. I remember that the bus came immediately after I checked what bus goes to SGH on the board at the bus stop. A lot of things were running through my head as rushed down to SGH, the ward number, the block my grandma was in, which room, which bed number. And I also remembered walking into the lift and had all the other level buttons pushed as there were a lot of people in the lift too. While the lift stopped at each level, my heart and mind was in a mess. And when I reached, I saw my grandmother sitting on her bed panting. She was given the oxygen mask, but she was awake. My Aunt Laura (red eyed) and Uncle NT were there already. Watching my grandma lying there, resting and panting as if it was her last breath, it really breaks my heart to see her like this.
It was really scary watching her, especially when she closed her eyes to rest for a while. It was like she was going to go anytime. I remember laying my hands on her to pray for her silently. I asked God to give her strength and to sustain her till everyone was there. And He did. Everyone came down except my grandfather, because he had difficulty walking. Seeing that she was rather alright, I went back to school for my afternoon class. After school, I went to Jessica's farewell dinner with Aileen and gang.

Then Tuesday came, I remember waking up to see my sister cooking herbal tea for my dad, because my dad wasn't feeling too well. I went down to see my grandma after school. She was slipping in and out of consciousness, and when she opened her eyes when I called to her, her eyes closed seconds after she opened them.

Wednesday came; again I woke up to another shock. The phone rang at home. My aunt called from the hospital, telling us to go down to the hospital. Everyone rushed to the hospital, but my dad asked me to stay behind to watch over my grandpa. So I stayed back at home. I remembered that I went upstairs, tried to study for my quiz, but couldn't process anything at all. After having lunch with my grandfather, I went to school for my quiz, then had lessons, then I went down to the hospital.

Thursday was also the same, went to school and then went to the hospital. My grandma was still in a coma; her breathing was getting weaker by the day.

Friday, I had morning lessons, and UNLV had their second anniversary celebrations, so I went down to the hospital at 2pm. When I reached the hospital, my aunt (Ba Nin) was there with Susan, Zhong Yang and Rouying by grandma's side, Pearlyn and Kimberly were outside by the seats. When I went to the toilets near the cafeteria, Rouying called me and asked me to come back quick. I rushed back to see that my laptop was left outside by the seats. All of them rushed into the ward. When I entered the ward, I saw that grandma was shaking and trembling, as though she wanted to say something but she couldn’t. I think it was likely because she had a stroke and she couldn't control her body. What I heard was she opened her eyes, and was turning her head from left to right. We knew she wanted to go back home badly, but we couldn't bring her back. We just could not. The nurse took her BP and it shot up to 155 on one reading, and dropped very low at another within minutes. We all tried to calm her down, talking to her, holding her hands. Eventually she calmed down, and kind of slipped back into a coma. But when we talk to her, we can see that her eyes were moving, but her eyelids remained closed.

My grandma passed away on Saturday, 6th September 2008, at about 1.30pm, just when we reached the hospital. According to her death certificate, it was 1347hrs, and the cause was pneumonia, with multiple myeloma. Despite the doctor telling us she had only less than 24hrs left on Tuesday, she hung in there until Saturday. It was comforting to know that she gone peacefully. I heard from my sis that she opened an eye for a while on Saturday morning, and my dad was by her side, talking to her, all the way until she stopped breathing, and eventually passed on.

The wake is now on, until this Friday, 12th September, at my place. My grandfather wanted a 7 day wake. The cortege leaves on Friday at 11am. Thank you all for your concern, and your help. I'm very touched by all the calls, sms and msn messages I get.